


Older Now

by JosiahPeregrine



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Sad, Short One Shot, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 22:56:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1281811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JosiahPeregrine/pseuds/JosiahPeregrine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras misses Grantaire, and he can't wait any longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Older Now

I'm so much older since he's gone. I've aged years just in a few months. That was always how it was with Grantaire though. A lifetime's worth of experiences shoved into our short time together.

Live fast. Die young. That was always his motto. To this day I don't know if he meant it as literally as it turned out to be. Oh, God, the irony. He would have loved it. Live fast. A lifetime's worth of adventures with him. Die young. A hundred years wouldn't have been long enough to make me content, to make me satisfied. He dropped out at twenty five. Too fast. Too young.

It doesn't seem real. I don't want it to be real. I've aged so much and not grown at all. Maybe it never happened. Maybe none of it ever even happened. Maybe I never met him when I was fifteen. Maybe he never broke his wrist defending my honor in a bar fight. Maybe I never kissed him that first time in late August. Maybe we weren't friends for six years and lovers for three. Maybe, just maybe, if I close my eyes it won't be real. He'll be here next to me like he always was. Like he is meant to be. Or maybe I'll wake up and I'll be fifteen again. I'll have light in my eyes and a cause to live for. I'll be fifteen and I'll meet a stranger named Grantaire. His optimistic sort of cynicism will enchant me all over again, but this time I'll learn to love it as much as I love him. There won't be any fights this time. I won't say the wrong thing and hurt him. I'll never let him doubt that I love him. I'll be at a bar with my friends celebrating my twenty-second birthday and when a stupid jerk goes too far I won't let Grantaire defend me. I'll pull him away and kiss him until we go breathless and blue and I won't wait until late August.

I won't wait to see him again. I can't. Heaven above or hell below I won't wait. Grantaire. My beautiful boy. I won't wait for late August and I won't wait for nature or circumstance or 'my time'. I won't.

He always said I was killing myself with work and stress and lack of sleep. He always said I'd get myself killed at a rally. I was made to be his romanticized martyr. His Enjolras. His Apollo. His. 

It's funny, probably. Grantaire would have never guessed it would be something so undignified as this that would take me. That I would take myself. He painted my like this a thousand times. Surrounded by red. Hair falling around my face in wet ringlets. His artistic vision has been realized. He would have laughed to see me like this. I know he would have laughed because I know how much he hated crying. Red everywhere. Wet hair. Slashed wrists. Gone. 

Grantaire will never see me like this. He'll never get to see the morbid rendering I've made of his paintings, drawings, dreams. Wrists slashed. Pool of blood. Losing consciousness. It's all okay. I'll see him soon. I'll be with Grantaire again. Soon. Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic. My first one ever. Wow.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr.  
> radicalfeministbitch.tumblr.com


End file.
